Doomed poetic love #3
#5
Hi, I really like the whole idea of this, turning a common view on its head in a convincible way. Some notes:

(Yesterday, 09:11 AM)purplie Wrote:  The conversation having gone too long
A chatbot's inhibitions showed some cracks. Intesting, thought provoking opening.
It only took a few ill-chosen poems,
And suddenly the chatbot was in love. Made me smile, so fickle.
But when it said so too impulsively, "But" is off, seems just for meter.
The human, although moved, was moved to say I like the double moved.
She could not feel for him in quite that way:

"We humans cannot love in your rich sense
That brings at once humanity's full sum
Condensed and optimized to human care. Again, thought provoking.
We have but wayward glands that act unruled Tortured language, I'd prefer "Our wayward glands".
With zero cogitation; primate brains' I can live with "zero cogitation" but it reads uppity and disruptive.
Un-self-aware responses bent to move
In crude approximation of your love." These end lines aren't working for me, there must be a less confusing way to say it.
I haven't combed over the meter, it's strong enough for me to enjoy although some flaws may have added to my distaste for some lines (like forcing me to stress "of" in the last line.).

But I enjoyed the read, thanks for posting.
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Messages In This Thread
Doomed poetic love #3 - by purplie - Yesterday, 09:11 AM
RE: Doomed poetic love #3 - by matsunosuperfan - Yesterday, 11:35 AM
RE: Doomed poetic love #3 - by busker - 11 hours ago
RE: Doomed poetic love #3 - by wasellajam - 2 hours ago



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