Borzoi
#8
(11-02-2026, 06:15 AM)hylas Wrote:  Borzoi

Loping like a ghost along the wet black pavement,
the white dog is trotting on beside the gutter full
of moon-beams and blossom and delicate
orbs that are the images of skulls of mannequin
all leering like corpses from the sex-shop front.
Deferring the resolution of "ghost" to "white dog" helps to focus the image of the ghost. But you do weaken the contrast of the white dog and the black pavement. Tradeoff.
By the way, you have a perhaps unintentional echo here of Ghost, the white wolf in Game of Thrones.
The singular "blossom" is a little odd there. 
"like corpses" might be redundant given "skulls".
"Sex-shop" seems like it's trying to add something, but it doesn't seem to connect to anything else. I must be overlooking something.
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Messages In This Thread
Borzoi - by hylas - 11-02-2026, 06:15 AM
RE: Borzoi - by matsunosuperfan - 11-02-2026, 06:18 AM
RE: Borzoi - by busker - 11-02-2026, 07:18 AM
RE: Borzoi - by rbamssy - 11-03-2026, 05:18 AM
RE: Borzoi - by hylas - 11-03-2026, 06:48 AM
RE: Borzoi - by matsunosuperfan - 11-04-2026, 02:13 AM
RE: Borzoi - by robdaley - Yesterday, 05:29 AM
RE: Borzoi - by purplie - 57 minutes ago



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