On Bias

[robdaley]

Hi,

On Bias > I think the title needs re-jigging. Either focus on the videos or the relationship.

Whenever I see something good, I save it
for my ex. She likes the same things I do,
which is how we used to make it work, but
at a higher volume, which is how I knew
we wouldn't. 

> I really like this opening. It is concise and to the point and sets the scene.

I send her native people, or
whatever you should call them now,
discovering The Skateboard. I send her
braids of moths and children who know not
to touch them. I send her latke recipes and
mystic surfer music. I send her lovely
cockroaches, sometimes a naughty dog.

> I think more surprising examples can be found and I would mention clickbait early in this section.

These are by far her favorite, with their
blatant clickbait titles: Husky Steals Ice Cream
from Sister, Tiny Pug Gets Mad. In this one,
Mom and Dad present the blind boy
with a puppy and he goes to hold it
in his arms and ends up clutching air.
Mom clearly wants to help, but thinks
it's maybe not her place; Dad just kind of stares 
at something moving on the lawn. 

> I think this is a bit wordy. 'Mom clearly wants to help, but thinks it's maybe not her place' is telling instead of showing. 

Eventually 
he gets it and it's all extremely sweet: the beagle 
licks his face. He says his name is Cheez-It. 
There's nothing sad about it, nothing desperate 
or relentless. I think it's a nice video. Objectively, 
it's nice.

>I enjoyed the ending and the poem in general. It was an easy read. Thanks  Rob