1 hour ago
(1 hour ago)purplie Wrote: If God had meant man to fly …. Good opening. Holds my attentionIt’s a beautiful poem that would gain from losing some of the loose ends
He would have made some people level-headed
And some people batty
And some just reckless fools …. Nice. I’m drawn into S2
If God had meant man to fly …. I don’t like the repetition here.
He would have made high sea-cliffs without rails
Rivers falling into dim mist
Rocky peaks for no reason
And the urge to jump … excellent
He would have made priests who thought they knew God … “he would have made” is too many words. Lose it?
And heretics who thought the priests didn't … “the priests didn’t” is again, too many words
And a few people quiet enough
To hear them both
And we would be squinting at the sky
Because He would have set the reflection … “would / would” ugh
Of His unbearable face in the high noon
Invented color for the sake of evening
Whirled sparks and orreries through the night …. Gorgeous
If God had meant man to fly
He would have imagined trees
And bird nests
And birds
And dawn
And then He would have taught the birds to sing…..lose “he would have”

