Same Slop

[matsunosuperfan]

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Hey msf-
I was playing with the idea of having the narrator POV being active duty or a veteran. Which might lend itself to a better tone shift at the end. Thanks for pointing out my terrible spelling error.

I do feel like the tone is flat, the intent was to create like a tone of predicability. You've obviously seen this type of reel before. Then have the shift being at the end creating a barrier between two tones. I also feel like the arc could be alot better and more emotional / personal. The goal of the poem is how AI monopolizes emotional content in a formulaic presentation / ideally adding a little humor at the end.

As far declarative language, where my train my thought is coming from is being taught
-use less words -condense ideas

Writing has been difficult to me lately so I'm trying my best to sketch out these ideas bare minimum as a jumping point to work on. Trying to stay creative and get the thought out before its gone. Maybe next time I write I'll make syntax variation an emphasis and break more rules. Thanks for the feedback

even just rearranging/cutting in places could lend some more immediacy to some of these images, which are indeed already nicely compressed

e.g.

A soldier squats, her eyes gleam
hands land gently
on her knees.

In the camera's reflection shine
her tears...