Silverado
#2
First few reads, a few early notes:

(Yesterday, 06:42 PM)matsunosuperfan Wrote:  Silverado

We get all of this
very wrong—nature and its names
I mean—okay, there are more gruesome sins "I mean" is disruptive.
and I won’t take your whole life but awkward, possibly "take up".
does even God’s must useless rock typo most?
deserve the weight of words, after all
I met a careless squirrel
just today, she was a baby
running like a fever through the streets
until of course
she wasn't, and it struck me
with less force than it did her,
that Silverado
is a stupid name for anything
and so is squirrel, and I like all the "s" words.
maybe she was dignified
as death made her a pancake, maybe ditto the "d"s although dignified death is cliche. A pancake being dignified is from left field but an interesting thought and image.
in their language, her name
means the sound of flowers opening, possibly These two lines make the poem for me, lovely.
we should reconsider Possibly lose "possibly" Smile and change should to could.
what could make a man hear someone singing
in the heartless dark
and call it mourning dove. Strong line but I think we all know the answer.
I'm not a great fan of the breathlessness throughout, it initially made me want to stop reading and it may detract from the impact fo the poem. Maybe limit it to the event.
Thanks for posting it.
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Messages In This Thread
Silverado - by matsunosuperfan - Yesterday, 06:42 PM
RE: Silverado - by wasellajam - 10 hours ago



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