Yesterday, 06:39 PM
Vastly improved by ending on S3 and "toddles u POS"
the more direct grounding in S1 is helpful too
much of the poem still explains its own joke too directly: "chased.. their life" is more or less straight editorial, ditto for "metal... from the past"
amputated from the past is a strong line, perhaps you can save it
the more direct grounding in S1 is helpful too
much of the poem still explains its own joke too directly: "chased.. their life" is more or less straight editorial, ditto for "metal... from the past"
amputated from the past is a strong line, perhaps you can save it