When things

[matsunosuperfan]

Hi Matsun, I misspelled anthropophagi, which I’ve now corrected

Your first point about “to know ‘em” is bang on. Yeah, it’s a terrible way to end S1 but I couldn’t think of anything else


I’m aggrieved that you didn’t like the varying numbers on a spreadsheet. They’re so variable.


The final bit about Mary is just random, but I liked it. It’s the kernel of a whole new poem.

Yeah the end has heat. Maybe if you can focus the rhetorical energy more sharply in the preceding it will cohere more visibly for an unprepared reader. I see what you're going for with the varying spreadsheets and it's a clever gesture, I just feel the tenor of that stanza is a bit of well-trod ground. I want the speaker to inject more of their particular ontology into that passage.

Like ok I remain confused but "hairy and full of smiles" probably the best line in the poem. Elevate the rest to that standard language-making, if you can bear it