Yesterday, 01:17 PM
Rereading the latest draft, it strikes me that the descriptive language is perhaps fine enough - I just don't care about it at all until the turn at the very end.
I think we probably need an invitation to stakes pretty immediately after the first run of imagery, maybe in place of what is now "In the heat" or at least by "office chair legs."
The poem opens with 4 lines of still life, if the next thing you show me is an office chair you're really counting on my being invested just Because.
I think we probably need an invitation to stakes pretty immediately after the first run of imagery, maybe in place of what is now "In the heat" or at least by "office chair legs."
The poem opens with 4 lines of still life, if the next thing you show me is an office chair you're really counting on my being invested just Because.