Love, After

[matsunosuperfan]

My biggest issue with the edit is that the climax now hinges on the most awkward sentence: "Ten years now of you offering up the passenger seat" is pretty clunky, no? It's very chewy and notably less smooth than the preceding verse. It's just not a very enjoyable poetic line to read aloud. Feels prosaic and workmanly. Which the rest of the poem is not.