Yesterday, 09:29 AM
Now I understand 'hand over glass' (not a party person!) I find nothing wrong here. Nice poem. Any changes would to my mind be purely a matter of individual idiosyncrasy and it's so direct and condensed I'd hate to over-analyse (which would mean making it what it wasn't). I never forget the earnest creative writing student who told Robert Graves "Mr. Graves, poetry isn't to be enjoyed - it's to be analysed". I enjoyed this one.
"Whenever you see reference to a new paradigm you should always, under all circumstances, take cover" J. K. Galbraith, The Observer, 21 June 1998