Love, After
#4
(11 hours ago)wasellajam Wrote:  Love, After

Thirty years of clutching …. I like how the “thirty” follows from the “after”
the wheel through blizzards
and black ice skids. … nice. I’ve no personal experience of driving through a blizzard, but I get it 

Twenty years of habitual … the “twenty” also follows from the title 
designated driving,
hand over glass. …. The hand over glass as universal sign of “I’m not drinking” works for me 

Today, yesterday, tomorrow … the connection with the title breaks down. Would’ve been nice to follow the pattern. “Love, after yesterday when I aimed…”
I automatically aim …. “Automatically aim” is quite prosaic 
for the passenger door,
sink into music I haven’t chosen
and read. … I couldn’t make out at first if the “read” was past tense. I can’t quite make out what’s going on here. The act of sitting in the passenger seat and reading is not “automatic”, though aiming for it might be. So either the “automatically aim” or the last bit needs to go
Lots of potential in this one
Thanks for posting
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Messages In This Thread
Love, After - by wasellajam - 11 hours ago
RE: Love, After - by Luckieman - 6 hours ago
RE: Love, After - by wasellajam - 20 minutes ago
RE: Love, After - by matsunosuperfan - 4 hours ago
RE: Love, After - by busker - 4 hours ago
RE: Love, After - by Bunx - 3 hours ago



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