5 hours ago
You just lose me completely in S1, which reads very purple and gives me little reason to strap in and suffer through the self-indulgence. "Rendered, lithe, aquiline, intention" - thesaurus syndrome.
Gets better once the poem starts having fun, "happy third" is clever, "drizzle of the snare" is wonderfully evocative and tactile. Also liked "angry with the saxophone" which is absurdly hilarious and has great rhythm, though the two lines that follow kind of spoil the moment by being flat and explanatory.
Last two lines, the usual distasteful summative impulse. Yawn.
Some good moments that need a lot of saving.
Gets better once the poem starts having fun, "happy third" is clever, "drizzle of the snare" is wonderfully evocative and tactile. Also liked "angry with the saxophone" which is absurdly hilarious and has great rhythm, though the two lines that follow kind of spoil the moment by being flat and explanatory.
Last two lines, the usual distasteful summative impulse. Yawn.
Some good moments that need a lot of saving.