By Bluegrass
#2
(3 hours ago)Deor Ana Log Wrote:  
Nestled in freckles, I like this openings sonics 
my pocket eyes are green 'pocket eyes' is new to me
Mom told me, some colors
Are made for reading
The rules of the run-on hurts here,
a joker, (ones that don’t land)
I am that pouring river
by the tune of bluegrass
As ambiguous as it seems to here, I like the title here instead of specifying the tune, since it's by a river (sort of)

At every year old awkward
A school picture
is etched by me
Paged, printed, pinned,
‘Dean: The Mirror’
is who I am
more than
I brush thumbs through
lawngreen
rest then the back and forth with and without punctuation is jarring
on 88 keys, humming,
just one more harmony

Truth, it beats like
-hearts, jazz sonatas- not bluegrass?
I hear it now:
aged-up interludes, 
oceans under sand
and an escape 
that will never end oceans under sand is interesting
I feel like the centered formatting helps the content, but it seems a bit too haphazard, the font size change in the last stanza might be too small (I had to zoom in). This is in mild so I just want to point out some thing that trip me up. 'i am dean the mirror' makes me think of all the personalities I juggle (like a joker?) I'm not just a business man but all these things that I like and would rather spend my time with. The music and the river

Hope this helps! Thanks for posting
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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Messages In This Thread
By Bluegrass - by Deor Ana Log - 3 hours ago
RE: By Bluegrass - by CRNDLSM - 2 hours ago
RE: By Bluegrass - by Deor Ana Log - 1 hour ago



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