2 hours ago
(3 hours ago)Deor Ana Log Wrote:I feel like the centered formatting helps the content, but it seems a bit too haphazard, the font size change in the last stanza might be too small (I had to zoom in). This is in mild so I just want to point out some thing that trip me up. 'i am dean the mirror' makes me think of all the personalities I juggle (like a joker?) I'm not just a business man but all these things that I like and would rather spend my time with. The music and the riverNestled in freckles, I like this openings sonicsmy pocket eyes are green 'pocket eyes' is new to meMom told me, some colorsAre made for readingThe rules of the run-on hurts here,a joker, (ones that don’t land)I am that pouring riverby the tune of bluegrassAs ambiguous as it seems to here, I like the title here instead of specifying the tune, since it's by a river (sort of)
At every year old awkwardA school pictureis etched by mePaged, printed, pinned,‘Dean: The Mirror’is who I ammore thanI brush thumbs throughlawngreenrest then the back and forth with and without punctuation is jarringon 88 keys, humming,just one more harmony
Truth, it beats like-hearts, jazz sonatas- not bluegrass?I hear it now:aged-up interludes,oceans under sandand an escapethat will never end oceans under sand is interesting
Hope this helps! Thanks for posting
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches

