DeOrAnalog hey!

[Deor Ana Log]

Will you please critique this poem?  I'd like to talk about critiquing a bit with you


Haunted


Deadbolt the doors, the killer is coming.
Not that it matters, soon they'll all be dead.
Break-in the window while thunder's drumming,
no time to dodge a sharp blow to the head.
Quiet, but air conditioning's humming...
one more minute and the killer has fled.

Once the dawn broke, the neighbor went inside.
'Dead on the doormat,' describing the scene,
'Quite horrific, she was so young!' she cried
not too dramatic for this gossip queen.
No evidence treachery was implied,
breaks in this case were completely wiped clean.

Braking hard, roads wet, the Cadillac swerved 
one second too late for a head-on crash.
No trace was left, even the money burned.
Dead, the killer was now one with his cash.
Nodding together, detectives discerned
quite incriminating facts from the trash.

Quiet so as not to scare him away,
break-ups a motive, the boyfriend was rough.
Not that an ex-con is prone to foul play,
one only hopes they'd avoid more handcuffs.
'Dead inside, dead to the world,' he would say,
'No way I ever could have done that stuff!'

Knowing full well he hired the assassin,
quite well aware he could go to prison.
Dead-ended life, the price for his passion.
Breaks won't come easy, he's unforgiven,
wondering who'll care, head-strong, he fastens
knots in the string, his silent admission.

Not that it matters, since everyone died.
Notice the neighbor who made the first call?
One by one, all of the lovers she spied.
Quite content when she saw the bloody sprawl.
'Break moral laws, whores are the Devil's bride.
Dead's where they belong, to hell with them all!'

Deadly poison braking free, shes taunted
by quiet naughty influence undaunted.
No one's suggested, the house was haunted,

I am honored to be ask this specificly! Yes I will give line by line feedback, but it will take time.