Because I once loved you there

[matsunosuperfan]

Nice concept and argument, but for the section:

no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.

Personally I would have laid this out differrently:

no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew are had in life,
spent sourly making bandit barons kings.

as the break between 'crew' and 'are' is actually a weak one semantically, so it maybe doesn't deserve a blank line that could be interpreted as a stanza break. It seems to me that the final image of this fragment is actually strengthened by this re-arrangement, and it also seems to run more smoothly if read aloud.

Hi Luckie - thanks for the critique.
I don’t find that the rearrangement works since it mucks up the metre, but I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment.

great specific note about the break on p.v. "are had" tho, I didn't catch it myself but that def contributes to the line feeling weaker than its colleagues