Pain Release

[Deor Ana Log]

untouchable but able to be spoken to great opening line, it creates intrigue about the subject
teasingly stroking me without laying a hand on me that sucks, if this is a common occurrence then you should get out of that situation 
how to handle it add a colon here for emphasis
love? lust? two questions marks in one line = great writing
or just infatuation.... rhymes with the following line, which I didn't expect!
around the boys i claim its fabrication a clever rhyme right here
throw that 5 up claim the mac for every flag and nation experiement with 'each' instead of 'every' here
tell em my hearts crap its kind of useless assertion fits in well here
but if you slow the bar down you'll see i really said did you mean to add 'what' after 'see'?
my heart's crap it's kind of used less this type of wordplay is a diamond in the rough in poetry
it's a confused mess ending this stanza on the line before would be more effective

i think about her and the heart breaks there must be a more poetic way to say this
but she's the method to my madness this is very cliche
the reason for me breathing again, way too cliche for this poem
the love i'll never have again confession works here better than the first line of this stanza
even though i never had her once..... three dots is more standard than five, so you should fix

This piece is one that starts off on a high note and peters off to a stop towards the end. It is high in connectivity, yet lacks a call to action at the end. The fabrication/nation line is by far my favorite, since I didn't expect it. Also, it is an unique sylistic choice to refrain from capitalizing 'I' throughout the piece.

A solid 8/10 for me. It would be in much high regard it the ending was most impactful. Thank you for posting - Deor Ana Log