Tampered Plates

[Deor Ana Log]

1790093913[/url]']

1790056781[/url]']
Tampered plates

I miss that new car smell. 
Fresh rose ribbon. I am in the car with you - great imagery
That piercing red use a shade of red here
riding through the hood 
like laser-guided 
double-dutch strobes.what is this referencing?
I hate your prickles hate seems like a pretty strong word here
you should shave them.
They hurt my hands, and I’m a 
Carpenter.
Not the last name though.
I pray to Juno,
we’ll be blessed with you know
the thing itself.
Little lamb, I can save
you from these sc 
alprs — these paparazzi 
birdhouse-looking clankers.
You’re getting scammed.
The flock arrives – a murder.
Anguish. these last lines don't make logical sense - do cut

MINI-VAN ROOF-RACK
HA-LO SHIN-ING.
WRN-KL3S 
RIP-PLE MY-PAINT.
SCH-OOL MOR-NING
TRA-FFIC MAN-EUVERS.
BAR-REL ROLLS
LE-AVE YOU-IN
FIX-ATION PLA-TES.

You’ve blessed my lens. using 'lens' instead of eyes?
Stored in amber,
heard you deserved it.
Querying through clouds, assonance is appreciated here
collected like hot wheels cars,
unhealed blisterpacks—
childhood scars. nice how this comes back in 'big brother' later
I’m up here crucified
while you spread blatant lies.
In my black cap,
Joe Goldberg, plural noun is a great addition here
you stand out from the herd.
Wait, that’s not you.
You’re slimmer than I,
with my all-seeing eye.
I’m like your 
big brother. 

AL-BAT ROSS-CANT 
SH-OOT MED-OWN.
PH-OTO SHOOT-IM 
A-SELF DRI-VING MO-DEL.
THE-RES NO-SECRET.
IS-TRUT DOWN-THE 
FREE-WAY. GET-YOUR
PAP-ER PLATES.
H4N-DL3 THE-SE 
WIN-GS.

Imported, exotic.
I love your features.
Fluttering wipers killer slant rhyme
with a wide bumper.
You should show your
grille more! Wendy’s why did you choose Wendy's specifically?
biggiebag crumbs on the seats.
Love your handles
and the way you handle.
Unlike these American an unnecessary line break, and a middling to end the poem
Kia’s.

A-2002 TRANS FIRE-BIRD.
LAD -LAZA RUS-IRISE 
WITH-MY RED-HAIR
EAT-MEN LIKE-EYRE.
RAT-HER CHOO-SE 
THE-BEAR.

This poem is overwhelming to look at. Whether that was the intention I do not know. I does have standout moments, but I must ask one question to the author. What is the audience supposed to take way from this poem. A flaw with many of my poems it that they don't serve a purpose, I believe this flaw is seen here.

I give this poem a 7/10 due to lack on coherence. The score is bumped up by the specificity that runs throughout. The biggest thing that needs to changes is the presentation and throughline. Thank you for sharing - Deor Ana Log

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it. The concept of the poem is to blend/compare flock cameras with the male gaze and how humans are similar in a surreal way that they become blended and indistinguishable. Also I believe the body positivity aspect of the cars/women embracing things that are pointed out like “wrinkles(paint/skin), postpartum bodystandards, transgender women etc. I believe my error was I tried to squeeze in too many subtle references that would do a lot of the work for the reader without giving enough plain language context like take the carpenter line in the beginning (savior complex). The 

could you edit the last part of your response to be bigger, so I can see

---

1790093913[/url]']

1790056781[/url]']
Tampered plates

I miss that new car smell. 
Fresh rose ribbon. I am in the car with you - great imagery
That piercing red use a shade of red here
riding through the hood 
like laser-guided 
double-dutch strobes.what is this referencing?
I hate your prickles hate seems like a pretty strong word here
you should shave them.
They hurt my hands, and I’m a 
Carpenter.
Not the last name though.
I pray to Juno,
we’ll be blessed with you know
the thing itself.
Little lamb, I can save
you from these sc 
alprs — these paparazzi 
birdhouse-looking clankers.
You’re getting scammed.
The flock arrives – a murder.
Anguish. these last lines don't make logical sense - do cut

MINI-VAN ROOF-RACK
HA-LO SHIN-ING.
WRN-KL3S 
RIP-PLE MY-PAINT.
SCH-OOL MOR-NING
TRA-FFIC MAN-EUVERS.
BAR-REL ROLLS
LE-AVE YOU-IN
FIX-ATION PLA-TES.

You’ve blessed my lens. using 'lens' instead of eyes?
Stored in amber,
heard you deserved it.
Querying through clouds, assonance is appreciated here
collected like hot wheels cars,
unhealed blisterpacks—
childhood scars. nice how this comes back in 'big brother' later
I’m up here crucified
while you spread blatant lies.
In my black cap,
Joe Goldberg, plural noun is a great addition here
you stand out from the herd.
Wait, that’s not you.
You’re slimmer than I,
with my all-seeing eye.
I’m like your 
big brother. 

AL-BAT ROSS-CANT 
SH-OOT MED-OWN.
PH-OTO SHOOT-IM 
A-SELF DRI-VING MO-DEL.
THE-RES NO-SECRET.
IS-TRUT DOWN-THE 
FREE-WAY. GET-YOUR
PAP-ER PLATES.
H4N-DL3 THE-SE 
WIN-GS.

Imported, exotic.
I love your features.
Fluttering wipers killer slant rhyme
with a wide bumper.
You should show your
grille more! Wendy’s why did you choose Wendy's specifically?
biggiebag crumbs on the seats.
Love your handles
and the way you handle.
Unlike these American an unnecessary line break, and a middling to end the poem
Kia’s.

A-2002 TRANS FIRE-BIRD.
LAD -LAZA RUS-IRISE 
WITH-MY RED-HAIR
EAT-MEN LIKE-EYRE.
RAT-HER CHOO-SE 
THE-BEAR.

This poem is overwhelming to look at. Whether that was the intention I do not know. I does have standout moments, but I must ask one question to the author. What is the audience supposed to take way from this poem. A flaw with many of my poems it that they don't serve a purpose, I believe this flaw is seen here.

I give this poem a 7/10 due to lack on coherence. The score is bumped up by the specificity that runs throughout. The biggest thing that needs to changes is the presentation and throughline. Thank you for sharing - Deor Ana Log

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it. The concept of the poem is to blend/compare flock cameras with the male gaze and how humans are similar in a surreal way that they become blended and indistinguishable. Also I believe the body positivity aspect of the cars/women embracing things that are pointed out like “wrinkles(paint/skin), postpartum bodystandards, transgender women etc. I believe my error was I tried to squeeze in too many subtle references that would do a lot of the work for the reader without giving enough plain language context like take the carpenter line in the beginning (savior complex). The 

could you edit the last part of your response to be bigger, so I can see