Yesterday, 08:07 PM
(09-01-2026, 04:17 AM)busker Wrote: Afraid of the nightI'm really only commenting on structure and emphasis here, not overall meaning, which seems fine.
Edit 2.0
Childhood is afraid
of the night, the thin hands
of malevolent ghosts. Youth is unafraid
of the night, with its host
of stars like sheep, in the land
of a pale goddess the moon.
Mid life is afraid
not of night, but the soon
coming dawn, upending
respite and dreams of the past
where it hides from the future, not a friend.
Old age is afraid
of the night once again,
of the one
with no light,
with no end.
The line
of malevolent ghosts. Youth is unafraid
seems to me to beg to be broken between ghosts and Youth so the segmenation of ideas remains consistent with Childhood, Mid life and Old age. As it stands, as a structural anomaly it jars a bit. Similarly, I might change
of stars like sheep, in the land
of a pale goddess the moon.
to (allowing for your deletion)
of stars like sheep,
in the land of the moon.
in aid of clarity and emphasis, and
where it hides from the future, not a friend.
might gain emotional strength by breaking it as:
where it hides from the future,
not a friend.
thereby emphasising ' not a friend.'
Finally (a minor point) 'mid life' might be clarified by hyphenation: mid-life, to avoid misinterpretation as 'amid life'
Hope this helps.

