Today, 05:33 AM
(Yesterday, 02:44 PM)matsunosuperfan Wrote: The PeaceI really concise piece, but I would cut down 2-3 lines. A title rework should also be in order; it is way to general. Thank you for sharing!
Ran into Wendell Berry
in my sleep, we talked all night. say something instead of 'talking' here, or use a synonym : too cliche
He says it’s peaceful, quiet you could add quotations here
in his “permanent world” the quotations are very insteresting placed here
beyond the chaparral of bitterness nice word choice with "chaparral"
that passes for a life. The farmer finds himself
at ease, he lays back in the leaves beside Walt Whitman great use of a proper noun
with his chest wide open, spitting seeds what type of seeds?
and dreams. His head is crowned with nothing
but the whippooring of chickadees remove 'but' or use an alternative word choice
who come to tell him everything he’s missed
since leaving home—how high the dog jumped
when a firework lit up July, the expression add more line breaks like this one
on that astronaut’s face, looking at his child—unlike the angels, I like how the punctuation walks back here, it unifies the poem
who in their eternal wisdom must have known
this place with its big, booming voice this reminds me of old folk tales
was never really it.
You Spend To Much Time On Being Right


