Because I once loved you there

[milo]

Hi Ouroboros - thanks for the crit 
The first line is “because I once loved you there”, which fits the metre. Dropping the once would I agree make the line clumsy and awkward.

It is good you mentioned that because I would naturally read it as:

beCAUSE ionceLOVED you

You should include the correct pronunciation in a little author's note section at the bottom.

Ridiculous, there would be footnotes on every classic poem and half of us would argue with those.

I read it as:

beCAUSE i ONCE LOVED you THERE
LONdon's PRECiuos to ME.
The POEMS WRITten aBOUT you THERE
were REALly LETters to ME.

This reads smoothly and slowly to me. There are so many exceptions (which I still can't keep straight) to standard meter, whether or not they're found here doesn't effect my read as these lines have a beautiful, wistful pace for me. If anything, for me "once" prevents a singsong feel that I think would lessen the opening.

When you say it like that you make it sound silly