Men and Women

[matsunosuperfan]

Thanks so much for taking the time <3 these are fair crits! Other than the accusation that the first line is redundant; it's just repetition for emphasis. Not saying that was a good or productive decision, but redundant it ain't  or at worst, purposely redundant. 


I did mean to be a little bit of a Clever Boi with the "who gets which verbs" ambiguity. But I think it's mostly empty cleverness. "Empty calories" is a good charge to level against this poem in present form. The muddiness you refer to is meant to read as gender confusion/anxiety, but I agree that right now it mostly just comes across as vague gesturing from a pulpit that it's not clear the speaker deserves.

I did not get gender confusion at all. The N seems to feel they have it pretty much sorted, reinforced for me by the thought of switching in another life, experiencing something different. I can't find any changes in this poem that would help aim it where you want it to go but if you can tweak it to there I'd love to see how. 

Thanks for the encouragement m'dear Was, I believe I will give it the ol' college try again. Think my mistake here (which seems to be my favorite mistake lately) was to take for granted too much of the speaker's self-awareness when in reality the reader needs to have it explained or implied more directionally.