Today, 12:21 AM
Hahahaha ok I get it now! Sheesh, I'm slow. Fun idea. Chops (omg no pun intended) need work:
A limerick loved in despair solid, though "in despair" feels a bit non-vernacular
A haiku too haughty and fair. already I suspect we are losing our grip on the natural idiom, "too haughty and fair" feels like both an effort to rhyme and to fill metric space.
He chopped off his feet, teehee! it's been done, ofc, but it's still a clever and satisfying move :3
So that her height he could meet: booooo, we hate it lol. you gotta do better if ur gonna rhyme. too many beats in this line, and feet/meet is weak (again, obviously forced into form - the speaker clearly wants to just say "so they'd be the same height." but that doesn't rhyme.)
Haughty, both, and fair. no surprise, merely summative, repetitive. ask more of your last line in such a compressed space!
((I just realized maybe the "her height" line is deliberately awkward/too long. If so, I just dislike this choice. It's not cheeky it's just irritating, for me. Nothing more grating than a limerick that doesn't limerick, and if that's the joke, it's not a funny enough joke to be worth the setup.)
A limerick loved in despair solid, though "in despair" feels a bit non-vernacular
A haiku too haughty and fair. already I suspect we are losing our grip on the natural idiom, "too haughty and fair" feels like both an effort to rhyme and to fill metric space.
He chopped off his feet, teehee! it's been done, ofc, but it's still a clever and satisfying move :3
So that her height he could meet: booooo, we hate it lol. you gotta do better if ur gonna rhyme. too many beats in this line, and feet/meet is weak (again, obviously forced into form - the speaker clearly wants to just say "so they'd be the same height." but that doesn't rhyme.)
Haughty, both, and fair. no surprise, merely summative, repetitive. ask more of your last line in such a compressed space!
((I just realized maybe the "her height" line is deliberately awkward/too long. If so, I just dislike this choice. It's not cheeky it's just irritating, for me. Nothing more grating than a limerick that doesn't limerick, and if that's the joke, it's not a funny enough joke to be worth the setup.)