Friday Night with Opioid

[milo]

Friday Night with Opioid


My German friend is lovely. She listens
when you speak, and we’ve got no end
of private jokes. They buried her last week.

My best friend from Japan has gone
ten years without forgetting to give me a ring
on my birthday. His boys have stopped bedwetting,

while I throttle love with my bare hands, cook lavish meals
for one. My doctor is an optimist: “What’s done,”
she says, “is done.”

The meter kind of falls apart in S2 (S1 could be fixed just by trimming "got")  The forced promotion on "WET" is particularyl painful.
There is a tense problem with S1 (she doesn't listen at all if she was buried last week ) unless you are trying your hand at Nolan's signature time loops.
If you wanted to continue your movement of the end rhyme to the middle for the last S you could easily enough just shift the break to "cook" which would be a little nicer anyway.

I, as a reader, am not sure what I am to get from the German/Japan/Nothing trend so I suspect it is a red herring.

Overall - I am not sure, it is a pleasant enough reading but all empty calories - like a donut - that ends on a cliche

Thanks for posting