2 hours ago
Thanks Stan, this is excellent critique. I appreciate your thoughts. The competing/occasionally slipping tone of voice stuff is a great call. I'll take another look at those lines.
I also keep feeling the whole thing could somehow hit harder, maybe your suggestion about the end, something in general to give it all more of an air of coherent formal necessity. Thanks for reading <3
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Yeah all good. I'd say it's hard hitting. Sort of Ishiguro-esque
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<3 very kind of you to say