A Sketch

[matsunosuperfan]

This opening sentence:

"Indeed, as Elia was told, the girl
around whom he too slowly realized
much of his recent upset did revolve
was already at home, already dressed
in what the lady "

Is one of the clumsiest I have ever read.  I didn't read all the way through mostly because of this, I would recommend reading through and making clear direct prose.

Thanks for posting.

I agree, the grammar is very distracting and gives the whole poem an air of "costume," like every possible opportunity to invert syntax and subordinate has been taken so that we know we are "doing the thing"