Unequal Contest - edit2

[Wjames]

Unequal Contest


A crow harassed a red-tailed hawk today,
black gestures twisting, flapping hard sometimes.
Crow tacked on escalator-steps of air
and struggled to gain place above, in front
of raptor which, gray swimmer in smooth sky,
responded lazily on banking wings. Very pretty to read aloud, and a clear image.
Each time the striving crow had almost gained
position to attack, to stoop, to nip,
the heavy hawk – designed for lethal strikes-
extended, turning altitude to speed 
and left the crow behind, a blowing chuff
of chaff not worth attacking but endowed a blowing chuff of chaff - beautiful
with wild ambition, laughter in the face
of unconcerned assurance, mortal grace.

edit1;

A crow harassed a red-tailed hawk today,
black gestures twisting, flapping hard sometimes;
at others, canny turns against soft blue.
Crow tacked on escalator-steps of air
and struggled to gain place above, in front
of raptor which, gray swimmer in smooth sky,
responded lazily on banking wings.
Each time the striving crow had almost gained
position to attack, to stoop, to nip,
the heavy hawk – designed for lethal strikes
with catching talons, hardened sickle beak -
extended, turning altitude to speed
and left the crow behind, a blowing chuff
of chaff not worth attacking but endowed
with wild ambition, laughter in the face
of unconcerned assurance, mortal grace.


original version;

I watched a crow harass a hawk today,
black gestures twisting, flapping hard sometimes;
at others, canny turns against soft blue.
As natural, almost, as Nemesis,
crow tacked against resistance of scorched air
and struggled to gain place above, in front
of cloud-gray raptor:  smooth, invisible,
responding lazily on outspread wings.
Each time the striving crow had almost gained
position to attack, to stoop, to nip,
hawk’s weight - designed for lethal diving strikes
with hardened bone and muscle, corvo beak -
extended, trading altitude for speed
which left the crow behind, a blowing chuff
of chaff not worth attacking, but endowed
with wild ambition, laughter in the face
of beauty, grace, assured mortality.

Hey Duke, this is beautiful, and the second edit is much stronger than the orginal.