Overthought

[matsunosuperfan]

Hi! Long time no see. I haven't been here in a while, but I was hoping to get some critique/revision on this piece....  Im going to go read some of your pieces and share some thoughts! I hope you all have been well.

Overthought 

There will come a day
when life tires of you.
The great abandonment
that leaves you on the other side,
alone.

Go with your middle finger high,
cheeks pulled wide
as its back turns.

You prepared for this
through philosophers’ words,
dog-eared books and 
circled proverbs,
hours spent
trying to outthink
what would never spare you.

Aren’t you glad?

First couplet is too good. You set a really high bar and then kinda limbo under it for the rest of the poem. The tone and action of what follows is not particularly surprising or interesting to me, vulgarity and snark notwithstanding. I find the second stanza almost impossible to visualize. The title is flattening and kills the dynamic tension. Last 3ines of S1 and S3 are too explanatory and do a similar flattening. 

I think this could be a very good poem but you simply have to be more demanding and fight harder for sharp rhetoric. I think a piece like this will generally either be brilliant or mid with little in between. But yeah, killer first couplet.