4 hours ago
Hello
As I read the opening, I thought -this is pretty prosaic and could possibly be cut. There is nothing wrong with clean clear language in poetry, but in such a tight space, words should say more. As I continued - it was more of the same - describing colors of the sun and the sky - eh - I already know what color they are and don't see the point. "Warm, golden light" - even if ti weren't cliche the reader will assume the sunlight is warm. Also - could there be a more tepid description of sunlight?
Anyway, for me, it feels clunky and inefficient - more notes to make a poem out of later
Thaks for posting
(05-05-2026, 11:36 PM)Bruce V Wrote: When I was a boy
On our farm in Kentucky
I would lay on my back in a field
Of tall, golden broomsedge,
Hidden from all the world
Beneath a yellow sun and azure sky
Surrounded by warm golden light,
With puffs of cloud floating by,
A redtail hawk soaring,
Whistling,
Owning the sky.
It was enough.
It was enough.
As I read the opening, I thought -this is pretty prosaic and could possibly be cut. There is nothing wrong with clean clear language in poetry, but in such a tight space, words should say more. As I continued - it was more of the same - describing colors of the sun and the sky - eh - I already know what color they are and don't see the point. "Warm, golden light" - even if ti weren't cliche the reader will assume the sunlight is warm. Also - could there be a more tepid description of sunlight?
Anyway, for me, it feels clunky and inefficient - more notes to make a poem out of later
Thaks for posting