Enough

[Bruce V]

Reading this one again, I do admire the impulse behind the poem. I think a little Mary Oliver style digression into completely unearned authoritative philosophizing could be the missing piece here - "It was enough" is trying mightily to resonate strongly enough to fill in the gaps, but I think it's too heavy a burden for its ontological muscles to comfortably lift unassisted. Some scaffolding may be helpful to this end. 

e.g. - 

When I was a boy
I would lay on my back 
in Kentucky fields of tall 
gold broomsedge, hidden 
from all the world beneath 
a wide, unconscious sun.

Blanketed in layers of warm
and golden, I allowed myself 
to watch the puffs of cloud 
float by, to be taken by a hawk
as it goes soaring, red tail whistling 
ownership over whatever moves

below. Now I am too grown 
for anyone to call me "boy." Every
morning squares of cloth hold back
the swollen light. Alarms drag me 
from sleep. I step into the shower 
with my clothes on like a cloud. 

Thanks for your suggestions.  I like what you did in the first 2 stanzas, except for maybe "redtail whistling" (kind of sounds as if the tail is whistling.)

3rd stanza is interesting.  I see where you're going with it, although I wonder if it's not a little jarring in juxtaposition to the rest.  I'll have to think on this some more.
First time I've heard of Mary Oliver.

Thanks again

---

When I was a boy
On our farm in Kentucky
I would lay on my back in a field  consider making the field more specific, i.e. give it a name or at least 'the' or 'that' field.
Of tall, golden broomsedge,
Hidden from all the world
Beneath a yellow sun and azure sky
Surrounded by warm golden light,
With puffs of cloud floating by,
A redtail hawk soaring,  consider 'soared'
Whistling,
Owning the sky.
It was enough.
It was enough.   rather than just repeating the line, maybe turn it around to reflect how things might have changed for the reader that makes the nostalgia more relevent.

Hi Bruce,
Nice poem.  I also like its simplicity but I think some minor tweaks could bring a little more depth without ruining the good bits.  I agree with previous comments that the middle suffers from boarder line cliche issues and is an area where some more thought about the language should be attempted.  I hope my comments are helpful.
thanks for the read,
Bryn

Helpful comments.  Thanks.  I guess too much is implied here, and not enough thought for the reader.
Thanks Bryn