There Are Less Butterflies Now

[milo]

Hello

I am not sure whether it is intentional or not which is why I hesitate to comment but it is possibly brilliant in its faux-accidental affectations.  There is, obviously, the issue with L3 being indeterminate and then being answered by L4 directly afterward - the unfortunate or maybe fortunate happenstance of a time wobble through a child's diction.

I wouldn't recommend changing it either way.  It does a good job of not explaining - it presents things and expects the reader to understand and if they don't it dismisses them.

I am also unsure if it ends with a whistle but in my mind it does.

I have no suggestions, I like it as it is.

Thanks for posting

I wish I had more memories of nature to draw upon
But there are less butterflies now
And it was too hot to go outside.
As a child, I chose
Binoculars and a microscope as my prize
For all those long days
Doing math problems indoors
With these instruments in my hands,
I looked about,
and realized I had nothing around me with which to make music.
I sat back down in my chair
And continued reading notes instead,
As my tongue prodded the gap in my gums,
Where a tooth used to be.

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Hello everyone, this is my first time posting in the Pen (and in fact, my first presenting a poem to critique, period). I chose a smaller one to start out, and posted here in the Basic Critique Forum since I'm a beginner to all this, but please feel free to critique as thoroughly as you like if you have the time to spare! I'm eager to learn and improve.