6 hours ago
Hi, just wanted to say some thoughts about your poem. You have a specific, clear image that you find intriguing to explore, and I always find that very appealing in a poem! One thing I noticed though is that several of the poem’s emotional turns are introduced through phrases like “suddenly you realize,” “then you wonder,” or “suddenly [it] seems.” I wonder if you could make those shifts feel more compelling by showing how the speaker arrives at those realizations instead of stating them directly. Right now, the poem skips over the emotional movement itself at those points, which is often where the most interesting and affecting part of a poem lives. Allowing the reader to observe the speaker’s internalities as they arrive at those shifts could make the emotional impact feel more earned and engaging. I think the overall ideas of the poem are worth digging into though, and the poem already has a strong sense of direction, which is half the battle!