Katka

[wasellajam]

Hi, I love the language in this poem and the places it takes me. Some notes:

From NaPM and I think I still like it so...

Katka

I once loved a girl from Slovakia, For me too this read like a limerick setup, it's hard to correct because I think you need "once", possibly "There was a time I loved" or something better that changes the meter.
as rugged as the Tatras
she swirled with Slavic snow.
Love these lines, as if she is the snow. And fun to say and picture.

She called me miláčik, Milacik give it real flavor.
"let's fly to Praha and twirl
beneath gothic spires"
A period after spire? The swirl/twirl is lovely and had the spires twisting upward.

So past the saints
Baroque on the bridge Difficulty here, inverted saints Baroque?
we bumbled around
cobbled Bohemian streets Something has to give here, possibly bumble or baroque, I looove alliteration but this is too much even for me.
until we found ourselves
next to the astronomical clock.
To me the Baroque goes better with the clock, that's an image I can hold on to. But maybe not a necessary change.

"They blinded the maker" you told me; Way to kill the buzz, Katya.
as skeleton death struck the hour,
"cities make me tired, I'm going home."
These lines are important to me, brings more meaning to the initial airy swirl and impulsiveness, the other side.

In Slovak mountains
we walked onto frozen lakes
and you taught me the words
for icicle and rainbow.
Now we're on middle ground, though a frozen lake only gives the illusion of solid ground. I like icicle/rainbow.

One day we found
a blind dog
in a snow storm
walking in circles.
We took him back
to help him get warm
but he died and you said,

"Life makes me tired, I'm going home."
Tragic on every level. Exhausting.

Thanks for pulling this out of NaPM for us all to take some time with, it holds a lot of what I'm reading poems for. If you edit please be gentle.