A Lighting

[brynmawr1]

A Lighting


Cool morning.  I have lit a merry fire  Could be the title, ie 'Cool Morning'
with gas and electricity, but still
it flames in saffron, blue and petal-white  saffron is yellow, which works as an inefficient flame, where as blue and white are the opposite.  Easily fixed, I think.
on logs of porcelain, with cinder screen
of glass; it might as well be video
but that it emanates faint heat and threat.  how about, "emanating faint heat and little threat"? or similar.

For as I go about my breakfast rounds–
the brewing, microwaving, counting pills–
it catches at my eye each time I turn  the 'at' is awkward
across a line of sight including it.  again, awkward bordering on Yoda speak.
We humans have made fire our willing slave  did we ask?  JK
like nuclear, but dare not let it thrive.

Hi Duke,
IMO, this is generally well executed.  I do think that there are a few places where you forced the rhythm which was unnecessary, IMO.  I also think that your main thesis is presented too late to be as effective as it could be.  FYI, I agree!
Take care,
Bryn