Yesterday, 04:29 AM
Hi Sullivan. As a stand alone poem, this one is cliched and uninteresting.
It could still work well as song lyrics with the right melody and everything else. It's hard to say in isolation.
I can't critique the below lines except to say that they're quite bad in a stand alone poem.
I don't have the accompanying music to know if they work in a song. I would think that the basic elements of poetry - in a pinch, rhyme, if nothing else - need to be there for meaningful critique on this forum.
"The days of night are over
I think I've found the right girl
The job, the time
Without pretending"
It could still work well as song lyrics with the right melody and everything else. It's hard to say in isolation.
I can't critique the below lines except to say that they're quite bad in a stand alone poem.
I don't have the accompanying music to know if they work in a song. I would think that the basic elements of poetry - in a pinch, rhyme, if nothing else - need to be there for meaningful critique on this forum.
"The days of night are over
I think I've found the right girl
The job, the time
Without pretending"