5 hours ago
(This post was last modified: 5 hours ago by RiverNotch.)
The "magic" is completely absent here. A stoned style is fine when talking about getting stoned or even getting one's nut, but here it's utterly deficient, since so many other better more powerful poems linking verse with magic, ones that have more to say than just "these lines are powerful", have been written. I'm unsure how else to critique this, other than to suggest a total rework, because this doesn't seem to have anything other than a complete lack of polish: no solid meter, no clever rhymes, no distinct images. Nothing.