Yesterday, 06:30 PM
Hello - This is a great idea of a poem about love and our hearts and how we entrust and we get broken and illustrates that males are just as vulnerable. I agree with a previous comment that the poem lends well to a rhyme pattern and you already gave us this in the first verse. You could try using some more descriptive words to convey his emotions about the mistrust, about her, who she was etc. Then the reader connects emotionally with the subject, he seems very angry, could we see other faces to him? I hope this helps, I am new to this forum too. Good luck on your journey!