Senescent - edit 3
#15
edit 3;


My mind’s escaping, entering
a space I only notice when
it’s gone

These last three days
three words returned too late
they’d each been inaccessible
when concepts needed names

snare: caught out, I couldn’t name
simple rabbit-catching
anchored loop of wire
when a child asked how
to trap a leprechaun

Kurds: buried name
one brave people snared
in four countries
and their aspiration
to restore a nation

Etruscans: secret name
tribes of smiling mystery
exhumed from Tuscan provenance
rising in dream-murmurs
as lost words do

How much of my mind’s
diverse vocabulary
has evanesced for good
hidden or erased
soft-sunk for what of life is left
in a room so finely
padded with absence
that its walls
cannot be seen or felt?



Revisiting this one with benefit of additional criticism (particularly @alonso ramoran's),  it's beginning to feel a bit brittle so changes are minor.  Since it was generally disliked, the easiest (best?) way to clear up the alphabet search business was to simply remove it; it added nothing without at least a line of explanation and would be worse with it.  Also, since "refined" was understandably disliked, I replaced it with a word readers who know me will recognize as slightly wicked, but others will like the vees.  I hope.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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Messages In This Thread
Senescent - edit 3 - by dukealien - 03-17-2026, 07:38 AM
RE: Senescence Blank - by Magpie - 03-17-2026, 03:55 PM
RE: Senescence Blank - by wasellajam - 03-17-2026, 06:14 PM
RE: Senescence Blank - by milo - 03-17-2026, 09:09 PM
RE: Senescence Blank - by ilovewomenandbeer - 03-17-2026, 11:50 PM
RE: Senescent - edit, title change - by dukealien - 03-18-2026, 10:40 AM
RE: Senescent - edit, title change - by milo - 03-19-2026, 01:49 AM
RE: Senescent - edit 2 - by milo - 03-19-2026, 10:33 AM
RE: Senescent - edit 2 - by dukealien - 03-19-2026, 10:36 AM
RE: Senescent - edit 2 - by milo - 03-19-2026, 08:24 PM
RE: Senescent - edit 2 - by alonso ramoran - 03-20-2026, 03:24 AM
RE: Senescent - edit 2 - by dukealien - 03-20-2026, 05:03 AM
RE: Senescent - edit 3 - by dukealien - 05-11-2026, 04:48 AM



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