10 hours ago
Limpid.
I've not much to say---maybe this critique is too short for Intensive---but the repetition of the color yellow here is maybe something to gnaw on, alongside the mention of two other primary colors (albeit redtail hawks aren't particularly red). Then you have the move from the sense of sight to the sense of sound with "Whistling", and a rather cutting sound too, followed by the more abstract conclusion to the whole piece....again, it's all very direct, very limpid. Can't really suggest anything, other than maybe cut "azure" so that the poem really is all gold, but that's a bigger maybe than earlier. Nice work.
I've not much to say---maybe this critique is too short for Intensive---but the repetition of the color yellow here is maybe something to gnaw on, alongside the mention of two other primary colors (albeit redtail hawks aren't particularly red). Then you have the move from the sense of sight to the sense of sound with "Whistling", and a rather cutting sound too, followed by the more abstract conclusion to the whole piece....again, it's all very direct, very limpid. Can't really suggest anything, other than maybe cut "azure" so that the poem really is all gold, but that's a bigger maybe than earlier. Nice work.