Yesterday, 11:26 PM
For me this is an obvious journey of life from youth to death. Clear and explicit. It seems to me the description of God as "unholy", is unnecessary drama, and counter-productive..
The last stanza, I agree, is clunky, but it does convey an essential spirituality in "wishing to be less" -- the antithesis of the 'normal' desire to be more.
Why does your last stanza depart from previous rhyme scheme? A new, final line could really elevate this poem.
Sorry if this is a poor critique, but I have difficulty taking apart someone else's work.
The last stanza, I agree, is clunky, but it does convey an essential spirituality in "wishing to be less" -- the antithesis of the 'normal' desire to be more.
Why does your last stanza depart from previous rhyme scheme? A new, final line could really elevate this poem.
Sorry if this is a poor critique, but I have difficulty taking apart someone else's work.