Plum Tree (Made August 28th, 2025)

[wasellajam]

Hi, aaminarrh, welcome to the Pen. I like your title as a symbol of hope, and the poem addressing its loss and desire for its return. I think the poem reads well even with its center justification which would usually be a real hindrance for me. I've put some notes below:

( PLEASE READ FIRST: This is one of my first poems ever, I had someone studying poetry to look over it - however I would like some more insight, MAYBE into what type of poetry I am into, because I am unsure! Nice to meet you guys! I GOTTA WARN YOU ITS LONG ) 

Plum Tree

Plum Tree

August 31st, 2025 (8:51pm)

nostalgia is reluctant, it’s inevitable
I'm unsure about this line as an opener, if you keep it I'd reduce it to "nostalgia is reluctant"
the waking sunlight peeking through the curtains
possible change of peeking to peeks
I can hear the faint laughter of my younger sister, innocence that liberates the worries of reality - soft pink tones of girlhood
Nice use of liberates.
baby blue buttoned skies as she plays in the playground, only five
With no punctuation after "five" I expected the thought to continue to "I lie"


I lie, grounded in the thoughts of my existence
I like the double meaning of "I lie". "thoughts of my existence" could be said in a more interesting way.
a hot yellow flame hits the ring of my iris,
"ring of my iris" reads unnecessarily "poetic" to me. Good image of stabbing light.
and what surrounds me are the paint strokes of emerald green, amongst are flowers - purple ones
Here I wanted a specific flower, then realized the iris was above, I think it could use some reworking.
sunlight burning the subtle tone of my skin
I let it burn the script of my memories onto my body
Beautiful 2 lines although I'd like a word other than "memories".
Do I run?

go! , go!
I like the action of these two lines after all the laying around.
seek the shelter you so wish for,
hide from the orbit of time
choose to face forever, no mellowing
These three lines work well until I hit "mellowing" I can't quite articulate why yet.
age can do nothing but bear you pain, right?
The double negative just weakens this for mme.
if you wish, hold onto what is left of your falsified, broken “happiness”.
This line is a little more Tell then Show, and "if you wish" doesn't suit, the narrator doesn't seem to have a choice.

Hang onto the teared rope of the past
As crimson blossoms from the palms of your hands.
Stigmata is a bit much for me, but blossomed is lovely, crimson overused and cliche.


Threads of emotion and art become twisted
Possibly twined in place of twisted, just a thought.
The words of authors, poets, songwriters, artists.. cloud the purity of my actions.
I think you could cut the list down to artists.
I sink, slowly into the grass.. consuming me in its leaves.
Consumed by its leaves, or blades might be nice here.

be gone, the greyscale colours of emptiness!

Can you dig out what heart I have left shovelled in my soul?
Plant it,
to replace what was once a plum tree?
What was once before, bearing the fruits of my memories
These lines are strong. Something seems off in shoveled and memories, ugh, Maybe "What was once before, bearing fruit.

I can only grasp onto its fruit for so long, time is but a mere rot
You might reduce this line to "time is but a mere rot"
Yet here I am,
on the grass turned forest green I lie,
My sister fifteen, runs along the grey concrete - shed of her innocence
I can’t feel that waking beam of light hugging my essence,
I must accept that it can’t run back to me.

These lines show a good passage of time. I think you can cut "I must accept that it can’t run back to me." you've said it in the line above.

Nostalgia is merely setting me back
But I can’t be rid of it
I don't know that the poem needs a summary.

So, these are a lot of notes in the Novice forum but they are just what I have to offer based on my own read. If you find one or points useful my time is well spent, I don't mean to overwhelm you, the poem is worth whatever work you decide to put into it.

A note on punctuation. It is half-assed in this poem, I suggest you try completing it and see if you like the poem better or not. Also, you have some capitalization of line starts that don't seem intentional.

Good luck with it, thanks for the read, I glad you posted it. I hope you enjoy the site!