Do you?
#3
(04-26-2026, 01:59 AM)sad_bunny Wrote:  Do you? 

Do you ever wonder why
The sun sets and the moon shines?
But you stay the same
Never changing 
Always so dark and sad.

Do you ever think about how
The moon can be just as bright
Even on the darkest night.

Does it ever cross your mind
That maybe you’re not alone 
In this thing called life.
Hi, welcome to the Pen. I have a few minor changes you can consider:

A change in punctuation for S1 might clarify, dropping the ? to after "sad".

S2 got me thinking about the phases of the moon, how it's not bright on the darkest night. I think maybe a change to "Even on your darkest night." might avoid that.

I think you could expand S3 with more detail about how the moon or just the natural order of sun/moon can make the Narrator feel less alone.

Hope this helps a bit, thanks for posting.
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Messages In This Thread
Do you? - by sad_bunny - 04-26-2026, 01:59 AM
RE: Do you? - by Stan - 04-26-2026, 10:00 PM
RE: Do you? - by wasellajam - 4 hours ago



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