Another short poem

[JohnS]

Blowing in the breeze.


These days we watch it on TV
as lives of people crumble.
Drones and bombs and men of war
turn hopes and dreams to rubble.

A poet once cried,
how many more must die,
until too many people have died?
And after all these years we see
the answer’s still blowing in the breeze.

I love the allusion to Bob Dylan's song "Blowin' in the Wind" here.  On one hand, the message is very clear, and that's a great thing to achieve; however, I get the impression that the poem is slightly off-the-cuff, perhaps due to the rigid regularity of the diction and syntax.  I also felt that the first line in the second stanza was a bit forced and doesn't flow with the rest of the poem.  I would have also appreciated if you would have qualified the kind of poet referred to in that line.

---

Blowing in the breeze.


These days we watch it on TV
as lives of people crumble.
Drones and bombs and men of war
turn hopes and dreams to rubble.

A poet once cried,
how many more must die,
until too many people have died?
And after all these years we see
the answer’s still blowing in the breeze.

I love the allusion to Bob Dylan's song "Blowin' in the Wind" here.  On one hand, the message is very clear, and that's a great thing to achieve; however, I get the impression that the poem is slightly off-the-cuff, perhaps due to the rigid regularity of the diction and syntax.  I also felt that the first line in the second stanza was a bit forced and doesn't flow with the rest of the poem.  I would have also appreciated if you would have qualified the kind of poet referred to in that line.

apologies if that was a little bit too in depth.  I forgot I was in the basic critique section.  Overall, I would try to start thinking about the connotation of words more in depth and, once again, be a little less rigid and literal with things.  I personally love experimental poetry even when it isn't good!

Thanks for taking the time to comment.