Draft 2 - Post Rain Crepuscular

[J.K. Solberg]

*based on feedback from thewilderhen


Post Rain Crepuscular


This is not apocalypse. This is evening,
parousia red,
the longer waves surviving
what is left in air
of storm. Amaranthine waves,
renewing vision with sorrow,
fall upon us
shadows now embodied,
so blinded then
as not to see the other
and think,
how beautiful
how rare

Draft 1.5 - Post Rain Crepuscular

This is not apocalypse. This is evening,
parousia red,
the longest wave surviving crimson
past what is left in air
of storm. The longest wave
renewing vision
with sorrow,
waning into night,
falling upon us
shadows now embodied, so blinded
then as not to see the other
and think,
how beautiful
how rare

Draft 1 - Post Rain Crepuscular

This is not apocalypse. This is evening,
parousia red,
the longest wave surviving crimson
past what is left in air
of storm. The longest wave
renewing vision
with sorrow,
falling, waning into night,
upon us all,
shadows disembodied, so blinded
before as not to see the other
and think,
how beautiful
how rare

Hi!  I really liked this poem actually, so one small critique I would offer is playing around with punctuation.  It seems that the comma is used exclusively, which is fine; however, I personally think a curveball would fit the mood of this poem.  On punctuation, I think you also intend to have a period at the end of line 7.  This could be an interesting opportunity to experiment with the parenthesis in a non-grammatical, figurative element (like how Cummings often uses it). I really just say that because it reminds me of water, haha. Honestly, just throwing ideas out there, but my point is this: have fun with it!