Eden's sky
#8
(04-20-2026, 03:55 PM)Rich Brown Wrote:  Soft leather.
Breathless chants.
You cradle your bible like a dying friend.

I find you reading Genesis:
If only I could take you there.
In that garden,
I will feed you every fruit from the tree of life.
We can live forever, laughing and dancing past eternity’s gate.

Reality falls from my palm.
I stoop to pocket the universe,
just to keep one memory of you.
Hi! I'm a Christian, so I love that you've written a poem reflecting on the Fall.  One critique I have (and question) is this: who is the "you" you are referring to?  Is it me, reader?  Is it a lover?  is God the one who wrote this poem, wanting His lost child to come back to Him?  I don't necessarily think poems have to be clear, but I am left with at least three hugely different interpretations.  Just something to think about.  I would also suggest you add a stanza that is more of a run-on sentence to juxtapose the quick, one-line-after-the-other stanzas this poem has.
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Messages In This Thread
Eden's sky - by Rich Brown - 04-20-2026, 03:55 PM
RE: Eden's sky - by busker - 04-20-2026, 07:44 PM
RE: Eden's sky - by Rich Brown - 04-21-2026, 06:18 AM
RE: Eden's sky - by wasellajam - 04-20-2026, 09:56 PM
RE: Eden's sky - by Rienzi - 04-21-2026, 01:24 AM
RE: Eden's sky - by brynmawr1 - 04-21-2026, 12:31 PM
RE: Eden's sky - by Rich Brown - 04-21-2026, 02:34 PM
RE: Eden's sky - by J.K. Solberg - Yesterday, 10:43 AM



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