Eden's sky

[wasellajam]

Hi, Rich, welcome to the Pen. I'm enjoying the mix of the poems clarity and whimsy, It tells a universal story with memorable images. Some notes:

Eden’s sky
is hell
without you.
I don't thinks you need these lines, the title and the last line make this clear.

Clouds never move,
bodies never age.
Love will never change.
This is a much stronger opener for me, a place humans never get to live in.

In this garden,
I will feed you every fruit from the tree of life.
We can live forever, laughing and dancing past eternity’s gate.
I love these images, I can feel the love and joy in caring for each other and being on one path together.
I think it would be stronger without "In this garden," and "We can live forever,". You have Eden and eternity.

Reality could fall from my palm, Strong image.
mere street change. It's a short poem, we know it's fantasy, for me blunt reality doesn't belong here, I'd cut this line and let palm sit nicely above stoop/pocket.

I’d stoop to pocket the universe
just to keep one memory of you. Strong emptiness in the finish.

So, I'd just give it a trim. Thanks for posting it, a keeper for me.