Yesterday, 10:48 PM
You do not have even a single bare spot here. It’s colorful and maximalist and I adore it and it needs some work. I’m going to think about it for a bit.
First pass:
Narration is strong. Good, because it cuts through the maximalism. A path through the piles.
Meemaw - Alice - daughter - narrator. A lot of characters for 5 stanzas. 4 people? Or 3? It’s hovering on becoming crowded, not cheerfully so.
Fixating on the phrase “originally from Norway”. Originally. That is bugging me. Why? I don’t know. It should work, because the word conveys a provenance and this poem is about provenance. But it is bugging me.
There are maybe 3 poems here. Or 4, like characters waving.
First pass:
Narration is strong. Good, because it cuts through the maximalism. A path through the piles.
Meemaw - Alice - daughter - narrator. A lot of characters for 5 stanzas. 4 people? Or 3? It’s hovering on becoming crowded, not cheerfully so.
Fixating on the phrase “originally from Norway”. Originally. That is bugging me. Why? I don’t know. It should work, because the word conveys a provenance and this poem is about provenance. But it is bugging me.
There are maybe 3 poems here. Or 4, like characters waving.