Short poem
#22
(04-07-2026, 07:53 AM)jaw_me Wrote:  The alliteration on first line is really pretty, I think someone already said this but 
you could make the poem a bit more metrical, maybe something like this 


Contentment comes not in the catch
but in the breathless chase, the hope
that never dies. In how we rise

I also think the enjambment here would be really interesting. 

Then bringing up in “how we rise” highlights the rhyme a bit more imo, whether that's a 
good thing honestly depends on your intention. Then I feel like the 'new' between next 
and dawn breaks the flow a bit. 

 
Off Topic, but I don't think anyone can really tell whether a poem is good or not,the 
best we can really say is if whether we like it or not
All of the “the’s” throughout the first few lines make it feel very choppy in my opinion
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Messages In This Thread
Short poem - by JohnS - 02-20-2026, 11:36 PM
RE: Short poem - by rowens - 02-20-2026, 11:51 PM
RE: Short poem - by JohnS - 02-21-2026, 01:32 AM
RE: Short poem - by milo - 02-21-2026, 05:49 AM
RE: Short poem - by JohnS - 02-21-2026, 06:09 PM
RE: Short poem - by milo - 02-21-2026, 10:18 PM
RE: Short poem - by Mark A Becker - 02-21-2026, 10:55 PM
RE: Short poem - by JohnS - 02-21-2026, 11:16 PM
RE: Short poem - by wasellajam - 02-23-2026, 12:38 AM
RE: Short poem - by JohnS - 02-23-2026, 01:17 AM
RE: Short poem - by milo - 02-23-2026, 01:46 AM
RE: Short poem - by wasellajam - 02-23-2026, 02:04 AM
RE: Short poem - by Magpie - 02-23-2026, 02:40 AM
RE: Short poem - by JohnS - 02-23-2026, 02:46 AM
RE: Short poem - by Smiley - 02-26-2026, 03:13 AM
RE: Short poem - by ilovewomenandbeer - 03-09-2026, 01:48 PM
RE: Short poem - by BLEACHBOX - 03-11-2026, 12:44 AM
RE: Short poem - by johnnyjojo - 03-16-2026, 11:38 AM
RE: Short poem - by JohnS - 04-06-2026, 08:01 PM
RE: Short poem - by jaw_me - 04-07-2026, 07:53 AM
RE: Short poem - by MalingeringDove - 04-13-2026, 11:27 PM
RE: Short poem - by JohnS - 04-07-2026, 09:33 PM



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