Morning Star

[milo]

Morning Star


Jove grows restless now
and wanders through the garden
taking peace in all that he has made 

as beetles dig beneath the ground
to find his face
in every outstretched eye of every tuber

and all along the path the leaves of figs
and dragon-fruit call out his name
in whispers caught by elephant ears

but what was it that Michael said 
when asked by Jove, Tell me a tale
and Michael told a tale of Gods:

A tale of Nymphs, frolicking at play,
and Titans - mighty in their strength,
of climbing Gods and falling Gods

and how they glowed in triumph
of how they reveled in the fray
and in the end of how they failed.

Jove was captured with delight
so he declared, I will be one of those
and you will disobey and quake with fear


and Michael sheepishly agreed
to call him God but after all
the elbow cannot disobey the ear

so Jove forgave and placed him
back upon the shelf
and hid his form behind the morning star

leaving him to wander by himself.
And somehow Jove has come upon the clay -
and here is man demanding to be made.

in all that he has leads me to question if L3 is finished. I just wonder about all that. 

Every outstretched eye of every isn't very convincing either. 

I have a hard time with the leaves of figs when one could just say the fig leaves. Almost sounds like we are trying to give the dragon fruit leaves as well. Like "leaves of oak and hemlock" for example.

Titans - mighty in their strength is just mighty Titans to me.

Thanks for reading and your comments, it is good to see you back.  I will consider them all individually 

Thanks

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This poem presents an interesting take of mythological and religious elements, but its use of multiple systems made it a little hard to follow at times.  Bringing together figures like Jove alongside references that are Biblical, the poem to me isn’t always clearly defined. Rather than feeling cohesive, sometimes these systems can seem to compete with each other, which I think distract from the main idea.

At the end of the day, part of this comes down to the reader. When constructing imagery and drawing from symbolic systems, it helps to consider how easily someone can move through the poem. If the Poem is unclear or too abstract, i think it can be harder to understand.

Hopefully my inexperience interpretation can help you tighten a metaphor if that’s a goal, or be of some use at all.


All love, ilovewomenandbeer.

it depends -  do you believe that I, as the writer, don't know why I chose Jove instead of Allah or El or Yahweh or do you think I should write it different so that readers who can't be bothered to consider why I made the choice can figure it out easier?

I really appreciated your take on this. It actually helped me think more about how I fuse different systems together in my own writing. I tend to lean into that blending, but your point about clarity made me realize there’s a balance between layering meaning and giving the reader something to hold onto.
At the same time, I think some of that obscurity can be part of the experience. At the end of the day, it kind of comes down to the reader—either they walk away thinking “I don’t get it,” or they feel like there’s something more beneath the surface. And I think both reactions are valid in their own way.
Either way, your poem definitely made me look at my own work a little differently, so I appreciate it.

 My bad if it came off like I was questioning your intent—that wasn’t what I meant. I’m sure your choice was deliberate. I was just speaking more on how it might come across to some readers, not your reasoning behind it.

Hello

your comments were just so generic they seemed impossible to apply but rather you were offering writing advice.  Things like "it was hard to follow" aren't really valuable because I am not familiar with your specific level of interest or reading.  Things that make it easier for you to follow may make it more difficult for others especially as you didn't mention specifics which is why I replied the way I did - I can see no way to apply your observations.

---

Hey, milo, I've been passing on commenting because with every read I feel like I'm missing something among the gods and angels. I do have some things I'd like to say but you can expect my notes to be missing the unspoken past of the characters. The digs I've done didn't help me fully put the poem together, probably my own block of absorbing myths so I'm left with what's on the page.

Morning Star


Jove grows restless now
and wanders through the garden
taking peace in all that he has made
Restless vs peace tells me he's admiring a finished project but ready for the next. His name could be Steve and I'd be okay with this opening but the language of "in all that he has made" brings me to a religious creator.

as beetles dig beneath the ground
to find his face
in every outstretched eye of every tuber
I love these lines, I picture a dense and supportive underground network, there only due to the gardener/creator. I enjoy "outstretched eye" making sense.

and all along the path the leaves of figs
and dragon-fruit call out his name
in whispers caught by elephant ears
So I can see he has orchestrated the fall from innocence but it doesn't grab me.

but what was it that Michael said
when asked by Jove, Tell me a tale
and Michael told a tale of Gods:
I am missing why this is posed as a question.

A tale of Nymphs, frolicking at play,
and Titans - mighty in their strength,
of climbing Gods and falling Gods

and how they glowed in triumph
of how they reveled in the fray
and in the end of how they failed.

Jove was captured with delight
so he declared, I will be one of those
and you will disobey and quake with fear
I am missing why Jove is delighted to emulate those before him who failed. I don't get Michael quaking in fear if he willfully disobeyed but that's probably something I missed.

and Michael sheepishly agreed
to call him God but after all
the elbow cannot disobey the ear
elbow/ear throws me off every time, can't get it.

so Jove forgave and placed him
back upon the shelf
and hid his form behind the morning star

leaving him to wander by himself.
And somehow Jove has come upon the clay -
and here is man demanding to be made.
I find the end satisfying, Jove putting the blame on man from the start.

So I hope my notes work to save some things that work for me and you can disregard the rest.

yes - so  my thoughts when writing it were - we have a being that is essentially a singularity - all powerful if you will.  Angels cannot defy him making them essentially part of him " the elbow cannot disobey the ear".  The difference between a god and a singularity is that one rules over others - triumphs, fails, etc - so in his desire to be a god - he needed to create a being with the capacity to disobey.  Man "demanding" to be made is to imply the petulant insistience at the start.

Anyway, thank you for reading and for, as always, your keen eye - it is helpful as always.

Thanks