03-23-2026, 06:10 AM
Deeshon,
My line-by-line suggestions will be cosmetic. Speaking on the poem's ideas: to say there's a lot in poetry that has been said about love would be a vast understatement. One could even say it's why people do the whole poetry thing at all but what do I know haha. The poem here has a nice rhythm to it when read aloud, but it's missing a distinct image or a distinct voice. This is what brings the reader in, because they think it will teach them something about their self. It may not be the conscious intent of a reader but it's there. What is it about love you want to write about? What is the image, going beyond "anatomy and soul"? The poem begins with "Raw emotion unbounded", but the audience wants to feel that through the image or the voice you share. Share that with us.
My line-by-line suggestions will be cosmetic. Speaking on the poem's ideas: to say there's a lot in poetry that has been said about love would be a vast understatement. One could even say it's why people do the whole poetry thing at all but what do I know haha. The poem here has a nice rhythm to it when read aloud, but it's missing a distinct image or a distinct voice. This is what brings the reader in, because they think it will teach them something about their self. It may not be the conscious intent of a reader but it's there. What is it about love you want to write about? What is the image, going beyond "anatomy and soul"? The poem begins with "Raw emotion unbounded", but the audience wants to feel that through the image or the voice you share. Share that with us.
(03-17-2026, 12:18 AM)Deeshon_ Wrote: Raw emotion unbounded
In it's its purest form
Vulnerable in it's its nature
A force compelling yet intangible
This certainty at it's its peak
I no longer wonder what of the core of my individualism
Free of adversity
As I am ripped open, it pours out of me
But I welcome this with a smile
Drained from my anatomy and soul
I feel no hindrance
No shadow of regret
My feelings in absolution
This poem came to me with a struck of creativity from my actual personal feelings for my lover. Love is so unique that it is untaught but naturally understood. No one is taught how to love someone. There may be examples by already married couples however love comes in so many different forms, routines, and practices. It had to start from somewhere. Sure, sometimes I need validation that I am doing the right thing. Love can possibly take form in negative ways; jealousy, possessiveness, bitterness, etc. However the love that I experience retains a positive undertone, only ever in the best interest for the person my heart beats for. The fact that the feeling can manifest from my nervous system to physical form. A shiver up the spine, a tingle in the pit of my stomach, a skipped beat of my heart, it can seem so surreal. That is how I know this love is true.